Monday, October 30, 2006
Dear Fren,
How are u? It has been a long time since i last talked to u. Things aren't going as smoothly as i thought it would. What am i suppose to do? I have so many good options in life. All of it is within my reach. But I am not in a situation to take it. I wish I can… but I care too much for the feelings of my loved ones. I dun wish to hurt them. This resulted in me hurting myself. Sometimes, I wan to just curl up and sleep forever. I wan to be in my own shell and refuse to see the outside world. Look at me right at my face and say that I am a coward. Go ahead and do that. I won’t deny that fact. I am a coward. I’d rather experience pain myself than to let others deal with it.
One example is that I wanted this particular thing for ages. I have been waiting to get it. but now when I consider the new things in my life. I have a small feeling that I am hoping too much. More like for the impossible. There are so many different choices that I can make now. But what I chose? That was to stick with the one thing that I have had my eye on for a long time. But I seem to have this feeling in me that I just have to wait. Wait is all I need to do. I have already waited so long. Why not wait awhile more? It might be worth. When I told my friend that I want that object, the friend advised me to go for another type. Because that object might be of 2nd or 3rd hand. But I dun believe that anyone else wants that object. I feel as if that object is meant for me only. Just for me. It is been on the shelf this long for me to come, pick it and hug it with all the love in the world. Maybe I am not responsible enough to have that object yet. I still need to learn how to handle and care for it with all my life. But come to think of it. I got to sacrifice a lot of things to have that object. I have to make space for it in my house, to get the rest to accept such an object and so on. How my fren? What am I suppose to do? I am lost… please offer me some help… I need guidance… I know the path that I should take. But I need a hand to hold and walk with me. I want that hand to guide me. To tell me that no matter what happens that hand would always be with me. Will u please send someone who can do that? It is the least that u can perhaps do. Give the me the mental strength to overcome this.
Yours truly,
Saras