Thursday, May 04, 2006
Warning : This post is deep from my heart. So dun get surprised or anything... I dun wish to talk abt it either. If u can suggest something else instead, pls do so... Other than that, just :X.
I have lost my will to live... ai find it totaly useless to live anymore... What the hell am i suffering for? Who am i suffering for?? For ppl who dun see me suffering for them... Ppl who dun bother abt other's feeling.. Have you ever spared a thought for those around??? Have u ever thought who are the ones getting hurt in the process... U might have lived half ur life atleast, but ME??
I have nt even started a stable life and i am alr looking at things i think i shld nt see... U might think tat these stuffs are gonna make me stronger to face the future BUT sad to say... The answer is NO!!! I am so afraid of living alr... I dun dare to face the future anymore... In fact i DUN WAN TO LIVE!!! i just wan to finish everything NOW...
The purpose - i just hope tat if i die or sth, u wld learn ur lesson and change
- i dun have the guts to face the tomorrow tat is coming... I have too much fear in me alr...
IT IS ENTIRELY UR FAULT!!!
I am nt referring to one person only... This message goes to a few...
U knw that u are making that BIG BLOODY mistake and u still continue it..
Get a life man... The reason u give is damm BLOODY STUPID!!!
Sometimes, i feel sorry for those the ones who really love me, like my mother...
Ma, i am sorry if i ever leave u... I dun knw wat to do... I wan to run away from all this ma... I no strength/guts to face anymore things tat are going to come my way... I have given up total hope in life and myself...
I have family members who are making so much mistake, they do realise it but they are nt changing... Moreover, they knw the consequences of all this...
I have frens who use me like a piece of tissue to wipe their tears of sorrow and then throw me away there after...
Wat i saw last week gave me a idea, wat if something life threatening happens to me? Like ICU or death, will these ppl change their ways? Probably, yes... Dun worry, i will say who are they are... but nt in this post... So, now i am asking a fren a favour...
To bring me along to where the fren is... I wan to leave everything behind...
Why is it tat ppl who wan to live end up leaving faster than those who dun wan to live...
So, i shall say my words... Dun worry, i wun go jump down or sth... I will just wait for death to fetch me... I am waiting *taps feet impatiently*
I WILL NVR FORGET THOSE WHO HAVE MADE MY HELL INTO HEAVEN FOR ME : )
I WILL ALWAYS STAND BY YOU TO GIVE U THE SUPPORT AND LOVE U NEED...
I WILL ALWAYS LUV U!!!
I shall end it here now...
Oh ya, a small but important reminder, pls DUN talk abt this matter to me unless u wan to ask me wat i wan for my funeral...
I would luv roses, roses and more roses... I luv roses...
Dun forget to leave me sth in the coffin that wld leave me a memory of u... ur laptop mouse, ur lucky pen, ur favourite crayon... anything tat u think wld symbolise u in my memory... hehehe...
i feel so much better now tat i have poured out watever i feel...
But dun think tat i nvr mean wat i said...
I do mean wat i said...
So, my dear fren... can u bring me wif u now... i have said wat i wan to say... I am ready...
I am waiting for u... Dun make me wait for too long... 'Coz i might end up coming to find u...
